So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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