After last night, I could never be a politician.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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