The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
