Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
