just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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