I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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