your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
