im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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