Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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