Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
