I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
