thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
