I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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