dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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