Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
