I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
