please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
