if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You've changed since you got that strap on
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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