just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
