She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
