Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
