i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
everyone is single if you try hard enough
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
