thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
