I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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