I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
