I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
