im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
