I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
