Your dad touched me again.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If I die, sorry about rent.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
