i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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