Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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