i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
