I heard we made out
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
