you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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