Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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