It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
