she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
