So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
