I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That accounts for only three of the penises
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
