i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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