Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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