I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
