walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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