So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
