i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I think your dad took our porno
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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