Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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