you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hippo gnu deer
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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