I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
