This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
