I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
