I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
