singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Randomize
