The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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