in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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