As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
