I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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