I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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