The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
