She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
