i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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