So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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