Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Shame - the story of my life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
