1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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