I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
