Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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