It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
