Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
