I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
