He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
you made out with another girl for some wings
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
