omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Your penis caused this!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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