I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
