My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
