he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
