i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize