Do you still have your period?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize