I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
