would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
