So drunk its hurt
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
