If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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