i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
