when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
