Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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