Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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