another moral hangover. fuck.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
