i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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