Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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