put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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