please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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