I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
