I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
