One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
