y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
