so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
