the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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