haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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