Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
