Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
