I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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