I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
