dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
