I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
