The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
